that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
