I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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