We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
