Christians are straight up FREAKS
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
