tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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