Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
