My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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