You're my little dorito
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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