Plan B is the new Plan A
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
