she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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