I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
