it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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