I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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