You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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