she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
