We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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