i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
