He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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