Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
