This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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