i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
