I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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