How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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