Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
