Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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