The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
