Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
