He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
