After last night, I could never be a politician.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have tasted many bathrooms
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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