how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I seem to have left my pride at pride
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize