I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
