No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
