i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need to wash the frat house off of me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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