I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
