my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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