Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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