I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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