i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
