My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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