So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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