So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
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just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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