atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
