my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
