After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
