Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago