I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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