I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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