The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's shark week go big or go home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
