i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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