Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
