I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
