i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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