We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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