You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
