Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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