Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
