Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
