apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
