im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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