Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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