Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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