we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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