Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize