best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hippo gnu deer
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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