handjob tips. give me some.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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